08/16/14

I am sitting in my parents house trying to find the willpower to do anything.  For starters I jumped out of a plane this morning. I should be on top of the world and yet I am more lonely than ever and just want to cry. I'm in my parents house again. I can't even make it to my bed I need to organize so bad. But I can't think about that because of the mess that exists all around me. I tried to clean the bathroom at my parents house and almost ended in tears. Why is my reach so limited? Why am I so stressed about my lack of control? Why is it so hard for me to accept where things are at and not always wanted better?  I feel like I have entitlement issues, but then I worry I'll swing the other way and care about nothing. Help me....

02/03/2014

Dear Life,

I can't sleep. There is so much going on in my head it is hard to relax, not to mention anxiety of wanting to sleep so I can get up and actually do things before work. Heaven forbid the fact that I want to be functional.

I started looking for an apartment tonight. I want to find somewhere that I can continue growing as a person and figure out my life. I am praying the Lord will guide me in this. I am afraid of  change. I am afraid of new things and new stress. I am afraid this will blow up in my face like so many of my endeavors. I get so excited about change that I only see the good and don't weight the bad. It tends to end badly. . . You know three schools later, divorced, I have no idea how many jobs I have had. . . Trying to think this one through and have the Lord supporting this.

Wish me luck,
Me*