Sometimes it seems like nothing makes sense. I want to create an eden for myself and I'm so crafty I can using the things around me, but somehow I cant. My motivation goes out the window and I can do anything. It usually takes me months to move into a space. It's daunting really.
. . .
Last night I had a repeating nightmare. Accept I'm starting to realize they are dreams. This time I walked out onto a roof top and all the bad guys in my dream were standing on the rooftop with these wicked smiles like they had won. It was like I walked into a trap. I had spent the entire dream running only to walk unto a roof where they were all standing like they were waiting for something. It was that moment I knew it was a dream. I walked over to the edge of the roof, climbed up looked at all of them and let myself fall backwards. As I let myself go I watched all of their faces strike with horror. I remember thinking the fall will wake me up from the dream. It was so peculiar to me that they weren't happy by the idea of my death, instead they all seemed to jump forward as to catch me before I fell fear that I'd be gone. It seemed strange to me. When I hit the ground I looked up at the sky and panic darted through me. I hadn't woken. I stood up and started to walk away as I commanded myself to wake up. My eyes shot open and I was laying in bed again.
Makes me wonder what changes are happening in me.
