?,
I know that at this point I am talking to no one. I literally feel like my heart has been ripped from my chest and someone keeps pouring salt into the wound and rubbing it in. It feels as though it may never stop. I know that is the BPD talking but I don't know how to stop it.
If anyone is out there. If you can hear me. Make it stop. Make the pain dull. Stop this hurt. I can't handle it right now. Please go away. . . .
Someone,
Just when I start to feel like I'm doing ok I feel myself start to slip under. I love him, I say. I want it to be him, I say. How on earth can I be so self-centered. . . Why can't I be happy for others? When is it my turn. . .
I don't know what to say anymore. I don't know what to do. I'm trying and I'm failing trying to let go of you. I wish this story was over and the hurt had already passed, but this is only the beginning of never having you back. I hurt and ache and pray and dream then start it all again, I don't know how to let go of what might have been. Please forgive me for not handling this with a greater grace. . . I wanted you to be the one, when dancers leave the hall that came to crave my greater grace the tears that silent fall.
thinking of you,
Me
Dear Anyone,
Sometimes I'm certain I don't have one more breath in me. Then my body betrays me and oxygen once again fills my lungs and allows the ache that I have in my chest to receive more blood and continues to tighten at the thoughts stirring my mind.
It doesn't matter how hard I work I struggle to make ends meet. It doesn't matter how deeply I pray I still feel incomplete. I keep fighting and hoping and dreaming that things will get better and then I remember they did with you and now I'm back to square one wish I understood God's will and why I can't have you.
You brushed my hair. You stroaked my back. You kissed my forehead like I was precious. You made my heart believe in love again. And here I am sitting alone on a couch praying and hoping there's some way out of this aching. My heart can hardly beat cuz it's broken. My mind can't stop spinning from this whirl wind. Please tell me I'm wrong this isn't the end of our song.
.
.
.
I miss you. I love you. I hope someday someone can steal me like you. Never forget I gave up a dream cuz God had something bigger for you.
Love....
